Everything tends toward crab… Evolution has a favorite design. It is not the sleek predator, the soaring flyer, or the towering giant. It is the crab. This process has a name: carcinization. Coined in 1916 by zoologist L.A. Borradaile as “one of the many attempts of Nature to evolve a crab,” it describes how unrelated crustaceans independently evolve the same compact, armored, sideways-scuttling body plan. It has happened at least five times in the last 180–250 million years. King crabs evolved from hermit crabs. Porcelain crabs appeared from squat-lobster relatives. The hairy stone crab and even the giant coconut crab followed the same path. True crabs (Brachyura) did it too. Different ancestors, different oceans, same result: a flattened, rounded carapace, a tucked abdomen, powerful claws, and a versatile walking gait. Humans are currently bipedal, large-brained, tool-using mammals. That works for now. Environments change. Pressures shift. If a compact, well-armored, multi-limbed, opportunistic body plan has proven itself across hundreds of millions of years and multiple independent lineages, it is reasonable to treat it as a strong candidate for a long-term evolutionary attractor. Give it enough time, enough environmental change, and enough generations, and the descendants of humans may one day scuttle sideways across a future shoreline - claws first, abdomen tucked, perfectly adapted.(Officer's Notes)